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May 20, 2012

Beach Lame-o-nade

The following is an entry for The Lakme Diva Blogger Contest.I know,a guy writing for a Lakme contest?Totally lame,right?Well,once you are fed up of the dose of lameness I am going to brutally dish out on you folks ,please do visit their FB page here.:-)Just for a heads-up,Kyra is Lakme's Sunshine girl!
Okay.That's it from my side.Peace out.Lame in.Oops..I meant Lakme in...;-) My bad!!

Me: I wonder why they don't give away hunks and hotties as prizes for winning the beach ball contests.
Kyra throws at me a curious glance.
Me:I mean,think about it.You get to hang out with a guy with visible abs and baseball-shaped biceps.And I get a gal with the perfect curves,a slim figure and a nice tan for guys to ogle over.What's wrong with this picture?
Kyra(laughing):Right!And what's wrong with just building castles in the air??!
Me(winking):You mean sandcastles in the sand,right?We're at the beach, remember?
Kyra:You like playing with words,huh?
Me:Words love to play with me.
Kyra:Oh really?
Me:Words love me.Adore me.It's like when I arrive..they're all over themselves..out there screaming my name.Near hysteria....intense fan frenzy..Some even pass out.
Kyra(with a tight-lipped smile):Modesty definitely ain't one of your prized possessions.
Me:Offence taken!Did you for once see me yell,whelp or do a victory dance after we won the beach ball contest today?I was humility personified.
Kyra:Well helloo!!Who scored the winning shot?!!(she points the index fingers of both her hands at herself)Who caught the ball after your butter fingers dropped it?(she points again)That drop could've cost us the whole match!Face it.If it weren't for me...
Me(interrupting, with an amused smile sitting on my lips):And 'you' will give me modesty lessons?I am not sure you are qualified.
(Kyra opens her mouth to speak,but I continue,ignoring her) Granted having beach classes on modesty might be fun.Especially when I have a cute instructor(I pause and look approvingly at Kyra)..in an electric blue swimsuit..nice highlights in her hair and a light tan.But still.I think I'll pass.
K(shaking her head,with a resigned smile):Ever considered using your "talents"(she puts her fingers up in a quoting gesture) for things other than hitting on me?
Me:It's a better alternative to hitting a beach ball.
Kyra:You are incorrigible.
Me:I find being incorrigible highly encourageable.
Kyra(laughing):Ok,word player!In order to save both our time,let me outline in brief what's going to happen here in a few minutes time.
Me:All ears.
Kyra:You're gonna keep on hitting on me and I'm gonna keep on rebuffing you.Until one of us gets tired of the whole thing and calls it quits.You sure you are up for all that?
Me:Or..we can dig our spoons into some prawn masala and fried rice.With maybe some chilli fry to go with it.We will finish that off with some caramel pudding and blueberry cheese cake.How does that sound?
Kyra:You make it sound tempting.
My face starts to light up.
Kyra(with a wicked relish):But still.I think I will pass.
Just then a petite girl in her early twenties walks over to where we are sipping on ice tea.
The gal:My gawd!!Kyra!!Is that really you??
Kyra(with her sunshine smile):Why,yes?What are you called,sugar??!!
The gal:Shruti!!I am a total fan of yours,Kyra!Me and my buddies -we dreamily stare when you just seem to naturally glow with your gorgeous summer tan!!
Kyra:Ohh!!That's so kind of you,Shruti!!(she then looking appreciately at Shruti)You don't look so bad yourself,sugar!!
Shruti starts giggling like a teenager who has received her very first compliment in her life.Guess appreciations from celebrities do that to you.
Shruti(after regaining her composure):Is it ok if I ask you how you work that magic with your skin?Me and my friends would totally love to know.
Me:Whatever happened to being confident and happy in your own skin?
Shruti looks at me puzzled.Kyra throws me a glare.
Kyra:Ohh,ignore him,Shruti!By the way,Mr.Manners here is called Rahul.
Shruti:Umm..hi..Rahul.
Me:Hi,Shruti!Now,if you will excuse me, I am just gonna sit back...and watch Ms.Baywatch here give tanning tips.
Kyra(irritated):Excuse me,but do you have any idea what we're talking about?
Me:What?It can't be any rocket science,right?
Shruti(giggling):Oh,Rahul!!Believe me.For me and my friends,it is.
Kyra:Shruti,there are self-bronzers and natural-looking spray tans available.Lakme has a cool collection.You can check them out!
Me:And that is supposed to give Shruti that beautiful golden brown beach babe look of yours?
Kyra glares at me again.
Me:Lakme self-bronzers.Totally saves the day for the less pigmentally gifted.
Kyra:Ignore his sarcasm,Shruti.He is a nasty little thing.
Shruti giggles again.She is slim, with smooth, gentle curves,a baby blue swimsuit that hugs her body at just the right spots, and a beautiful complexion, like a dreamy creamy mango dessert. What on earth does she need a tan for?
Shruti:By the way,I was dying to tell you this Kyra.I think you are the perfect BA for Lakme.
Me:BA?Bachelorette of Awesomeness?!!
Kyra(laughing):Brand Ambassador,doofus!
Shruti(smiling):Bachelorette of Awesomeness doesn't sound so bad!!Totally suits you Kyra.
Me:Yeah.But I guess Kyra's SPF 15 sunlotion blocks all my honest compliments.Just like the sunrays.
Kyra(raising her eyebrows mockingly):Honest compliments?And you?
Me:Yep.Totally me.And by the way,Shruti,I think you will totally look fab without much make-up.Slip on some flip flops, slide on some cool sunglasses and set the beach on fire!
Shruti(blushing):Umm...thanks!
I get up from my seat,offering it to Shruti.
Me:Ohh and by the way,Kyra..you totally need to change your SPF lip balm.
Kyra(frowning):Why?
I flash my mysterious smile and leave without answering.
Five minutes later,the waiter brought mint and pomegranate margaritas for the girls.
Kyra(surprised):We didn't order any of these.
The waiter:Ohh.The gentleman who was with you ordered these.And don't worry about the bill.He took care of it.Oh..and(he takes out a neatly folded paper napkin from his shirt pocket)..he asked me to give you this.
Kyra unfolds the paper.It read,"Glossy lip balms are painfully inadequate to protect those lips from that scorching bright smile of yours.Nothing below SPF 25 will do."
Kyra purses her lips and smiles.
Shruti:What does it say?
Kyra(still smiling):Guess Mr.Manners isn't so bad with the compliments after all.

To be continued..(you really want this lameness to be continued?:-P)

Reactions:

20 comments:

  1. Yes...YEs.....YES!!! I would love this lameness to be continued!
    And you are not that bad with compliments, afterall! :D
    And this is what you meant by- More pick up lines coming your way, huh?
    And BA- Bachelorette of Awesomeness! Super duper awesome AWESOME definition!

    I only have one doubt. You are the third male blogger in my reader who has written for this contest. How do you men know about all this girly beauty products with so much of details!?! I am surprised! Do you mind clearing my doubts?

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  2. @I do I do..Ok..:-)Thanks..

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  3. @CD This is totally what I meant by more pick-up lines coming your way.;-)
    And regarding the details about feminine products..there is a beautiful thing called google...;-) Helps a lot...:-D

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  4. wow rahul..you are in a league of your own! a delightful read, must say:)

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  5. Hahaha. I totally enjoyed reading this xDD

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  6. Hahaha. I totally enjoyed reading this xDD

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  7. Yes let the lameness continue!! Awesome pick up :D Nasty little thing...that is the perfect definition. :P

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  8. Sorry...i meant awesome pick up lines :P

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  9. @Invisible Silence:-) Thanks a ton.
    @BlahBlah He he..you really liked it??:-D
    @Swarnali LOL.;-) Ok....lameness it is!!!!:-D

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  10. your lameness wasnt bad given the fact that topic was so lame. I have refrained from writing for this contest for the same reason!
    good luck :D

    sarah

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  11. @Sarah Yeah.A gal already has spoiled my mood before you by pointing out it is lame.:-)

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  12. hehe !
    Well U Did total justice to the topic and lived up to it Kyra , beach , sunscreen;-)

    but ya BA it is Busted some ones Ace(Ass)

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  13. This was nice stuff, Rahul. Very creatively done. Cool humorous one mixed with lakme theme.

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  14. Very well thought off and the conversation is slick!!
    Moving on to the next part now.

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  15. @Afshan Yeah.A little 'he he' is all that this post is capable of getting.Thanks anyways.:-)

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  16. @TF As I said,TF.I am playing to have fun this time in the contest.Not to win.:-)

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  17. haha, it's not at all lame, it's quite cheesy and fun to read :)

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  18. Great Rahul! Not easy writing repartee and you have done an excellent job

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